Now listen, friend,
I've known you awhile.
There are some things we ought to discuss.
Alone, you crave company.
Together, departure's desired.
In the forest, you long to see the city.
In the city, you pine for mountains.
In the mountains, you wish for cleaner comforts.
Really, now!
In retreat you're all excited,
Plunging in and blowing out,
Relishing rigor,
Mastering forms.
Breakdowns and breakthroughs,
Grueling ecstasies,
Our unmade expanse settling in and by itself.
You always have loved melodrama:
Lightning, thunder, flash and fall.
Full and flush,
Sated, champing your bit,
Not seeing,
Rushing and dragging you run right back out,
Indulging mistaken patterns.
Aren't you getting old, Augustine?
Not yet?
Come, now.
Surfacing,
Sobering from ignorance's intoxication you chant,
Praying from pages of paper and pixels,
Recalling what you've managed to memorize,
Meditating according to instructions,
Yet just as soon as auspicious experiences arise,
You rest for awhile,
Contented,
A fine, fat old sow, finished with life.
All good,
Yet all too soon,
Left to your own devices,
Hooked by sight, sound, sensation,
Stale sentiments’ sediments,
You resume your same old habits.
You talk of practice free from sessions and breaks,
Try to keep it up, here and there,
But really,
We both know you've barely begun applying yourself.
Don't get the wrong idea, now,
I know how much it hurts.
My words here aren't the source,
Of each piercing pang,
Of feeling frozen and broken.
Stand up now, walk on.
Delaying prolongs every pain.
You well know by now the spring you've long sought and seen,
It's right here, silly!
Gushing from the thaw!
This body of yours will rot,
But best take care of it,
Along with all else:
Compost for further generations.
What else to do?
Your heart and mind,
Tended daily as a garden.
You've done that work,
You know what it takes,
Back at it, now.
Friends and lovers?
While true, they won't last,
Denying connection is only more grasping,
Gasping,
If at an angle you can't see quite so clearly, yet.
You can't save the world,
Nor take anyone's pain.
You can make way for others,
As others have for you.
Broke open again that evening a decade ago,
Vowing,
Not knowing all,
Yet seeing enough,
As long as space remains...
So do,
And so doing,
Be undone, dear one,
Play out your days dancing deathless in the sun.
